Yes, I’m opinionated. What’s your point?

I don’t believe I know a single human being who would say that the fundamental messages of Martin Luther King, Jr. or Jesus of Nazareth are absurd or uninspired. And yet they were, if nothing else, opinionated. Dangerous enough to murder. I’ve discovered that if you’re the sort of person who is passionate about cultivating their principles in your life and talking about it even to a moderate degree, you will encounter no shortage of people who will dismiss you as radical, naive, unrealistic, unbalanced, and self-righteous. And of course, opinionated.

Yes, I’m opinionated. But people only point that out when they aren’t comfortable with what I’m saying. When they do agree with me, it’s completely irrelevant. So I’m sensitive about this word because it carries a negative connotation with the intention diminishing of our credibility.

I’m an idealistic person. But I try to be respectful up the point where someone tries to spit in my face. I don’t shove my views down people’s throats, say things to provoke or open my mouth without having thought about something. I don’t instigate arguments with people and I try my best not to call people names. There are times when I walk away from an argument wishing I’d told someone to fuck off only later to appreciate the fact that I didn’t get emotionally hooked and took the high road. Everybody messes up. Living in a world where we struggle to reconcile opposing opinions is draining. Encountering people who have no interest in genuinely engaging and cultivating respect is infuriating. Very few people have the equanimity not to blow their lids when that happens.

Because people know that I’m sympathetic to, shall we say, non-status quo ideologies, they seem to interpret that as an invitation to debate me. That’s not my desire and I’m not sure why they do this but they can’t seem to resist. Most of the time I avoid getting engaged because I know what’s going to happen. They’re not interested in having a productive conversation that results in us getting to know each other as people. I get hoisted up on the stand and cross-examined. I have no control over the questions they’re asking and little say in the direction or tone. They lob a question at me. I have to explain myself. They react and repeat the process, rarely allowing me to finish. Suddenly I go from being a guest at a Thanksgiving dinner to a politician under interrogation.

I’ve never called anyone out for it but now that I think of it, it’s very unfair to put someone on the defensive and force them to talk about an issue within such a limited, pressured environment. The exchange isn’t designed to undulate or meander; it just goes back and forth. The result is that people often end up thinking I believe things I don’t. I guess it’s easier to dismiss my ideas if one assumes I arrived at a particular conclusion for the same reasons someone they already disagree with does, or that I hold the same views as every other person who belongs to the same groups I do.

Maybe I’m just too self-conscious, but when I’m compelled to offer my interpretation of an issue it’s like I can intuitively sense some people’s anxiety as they barely contain their visible scrutiny. Great, there goes the opinionated hippie again. The thing is, everyone has opinions. The degree of passion with which we voice them isn’t a reflection of the validity of our points, nor is the degree to which our opinions are mainstream or popular – or radical for that matter.

We often hear people say that they have a right to their own opinion. This is true. But with rights comes responsibility. My general view is that just because we can say something doesn’t mean we should. Impressions will differ about what’s appropriate. But to say something for the purpose of inciting rage or violence is to create hurt, division, and the potential for serious conflict. In such cases one’s responsibility to be respectful and encourage peace should trump one’s right to say whatever the hell they want. We need to be reasonable and sometimes that means setting boundaries.

So what does it mean to say that someone is opinionated? A more important consideration is, what sort of attitudes inspire these views? Are they formed out of anger, fear or ignorance? Are they coming from a place of honesty, understanding, and respect? A person who has invested the energy into forming a coherent argument doesn’t hide behind “I have a right to my opinion”; they defend the veracity of their position. That doesn’t make them right and it doesn’t mean they’ll listen to anyone else but at least they’re thinking analytically and communicating. The more we entourage this the more opportunities there are to develop relationships.

Just as important as our right to an opinion is our responsibility to transform that idea into something constructive. To me, it’s about striking a balance between serving the collective and protecting the individual. An opinion is the completion of a thought process but that’s not where our thinking should stop. People don’t always want to have carefully articulated views about every topic and that’s fine. When we do, however, we don’t owe anybody the privilege of expressing a view that’s consistent with theirs.


11 thoughts on “Yes, I’m opinionated. What’s your point?

    • Hi Ghost! Thanks for reading. You’re probably onto what I’m saying but basically my point is that pretty much anyone with a brain and a heart sees the wisdom in these people’s messages. And of course how perplexing it is that despite this there is so much resistance when it comes to actually making these values a reality. I see how the wording is confusing but the double negatives seemed like a clearer way of making that point. Maybe not!

  1. I know right. I feel stupid as it’s actually just dawned on me today that my some of my Co workers think I am opinionated and that it is considered to be a negative thing. I have apparently been deluded in thinking that everyone has opinions and that it was ok to share them with people, however I am realising that people don’t want to hear it and that it may be damaging some of my relationships

    • In all fairness, there are some people who just aren’t passionate about stuff and find being around really opinionated exhausting. Some people can be obnoxious about it too. But I find at least in my experience it’s also used as a cop out for people who would rather tell you there’s something wrong with you than explain their own position.

  2. I entirely relate to this piece. Word for word, especially:

    “A person who has invested the energy into forming a coherent argument doesn’t hide behind “I have a right to my opinion”; they defend the veracity of their position. That doesn’t make them right and it doesn’t mean they’ll listen to anyone else but at least they’re thinking analytically and communicating.”

    When people tell me I’m very opinionated after thoroughly answering the series of questions they’ve asked, I perceive it as a passive-aggressive retaliation (jab) that reflects the resentment they feel from me having revealed the inadequacy of their half baked opinion on the topic. If I’m not well-informed on a given topic, I don’t form an opinion about it and I’m entirely comfortable with saying so if asked for one. I just keep quiet, and listen and learn from those who are voicing an opinion that’s well-informed. But when I am informed on a topic, I express my view thoroughly and with conviction. If the person agrees, they love it. If they disagree, some take that jab. “You’re very opinionated. You seem to think you’re always right.” It’s so frustrating, and that’s precisely what they’re trying to achieve.

    • Thanks for your comment, Michael. It’d say that’s an accurate way to describe what’s really going on when people make this accusation. Seems like plain old gaslighting to me!

  3. Very interesting article. I sit there and listen to so many people spout rubbish & yet I am always the one who is called opinionated. Why is it wrong to have opinions. I do listen to others & am always happy to consider other views. I really don’t understand why it is wrong to be passionate….

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