Turn that frown upside (Double) Down!

I’m not going to tell you I don’t eat fast food (or junk food for that matter). I do. Not often – but I do. I reckon my diet is considerably healthy on the whole, and I’m guessing 99% of us eat crap at least once in a while. There are valid reasons why the mention of restaurants such as McDonald’s and KFC usually provoke two very different responses:

  1. “Ugh… that shit is so gross, man. Total heart attack on a plate.”
  2. “OMG, my mouth is watering for a big, juicy Bic Mac right now! Why did you have to bring that up?”

Or what about all the people who hate Starbucks, eclipsed by all the other people who buy it because, well, it sells good coffee and is intelligently marketed?

KFC’s Double Down sandwich (there’s no bread involved, but what else could they call it?) is now available in Canada, and I’m going to try it – try it, and not tell you what it was like. Because my sandwich might rock, or suck, and that could be a fluke. Plus, if you really want to know, you should assume the associated risks yourself – it’s only fair.

If you’ve tried it and nearly gagged through your exposition of how disgusting it is, and how it’s a microcosm of unhealthiness, I think I’m qualified to tell you that you’re stupid enough to deserve being fried in a vat of oil yourself (sorry… I don’t eat human). You’re dealing with KFC here. This is not Whole Foods Market. Did you think it wouldn’t be dripping with grease and loaded with fat and salt? I also think it’s setting yourself up for failure, possibly on purpose, when a group of folks at Torontoist try the Double Down – including a vegetarian, someone who hasn’t eaten KFC in years and someone who has never eaten KFC. Were they really willing to give the sandwich a fair shake, I mean, for what it is? I would guess not, considering that “[e]veryone agreed that some vegetable content would have been nice”. Really? Then I guess you should have steamed some veggies, jackass! Would it be unfair to say these folks are probably a bunch of hipsters?

Here’s my beef (or chicken, if you will): If you’re okay with eating junk food, eat it. Don’t pretend you care about the health risks involved. And if you’re concerned, then don’t eat it. If you can’t control yourself, don’t pretend you’re not enjoying it. If you’re going to do something that makes you feel good but isn’t good for you, don’t apologize. And do it with conviction, dammit!

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3 Comments

Filed under Politics & Society

3 responses to “Turn that frown upside (Double) Down!

  1. Harry

    I had high hopes about the double down. It’s been hyped up all over the place after all. However, my first impression after the first bite was “how am I going to finish this piece of salt?”

  2. cnv

    big ups for this piece. i have the same sentiment. the people at torontoist are blowing the whole thing out of proportion. they should go write a review about the wrapstar which kfc released over a year ago, which is worse in every category, or how about the limited edition ‘reese’s bar’, which has over 600 calories, 60% of your daily fat requirement, and 98% of your daily saturated fat requirement.

  3. ebrian

    People should also consider checking out the sodium levels of other fast food alternatives. The double down may have as much as the recommended daily intake of sodium, but take a look at some other offerings. There are options out there with triple the amount, and actually lauded as healthy food *ahem* Quiznos.

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